Our experience with Riley taught me that there needs to be consistent, accurate information out there about the canine parvovirus and about dogs. Thank goodness I have a platform where I can help.
Another thing our experience with Riley taught us was that sometimes people can be butt holes.
Here are a few of the nasty things people shared with me…
When we went to the animal hospital to say goodbye to Riley a woman looked at me (crying on my boyfriend’s chest) and said “well someone’s in a negative mood, I guess I’ll stay away from her.”
When I finally got the courage to return to the dog park, a fellow dog owner hugged me then said “I guess this will teach you to bring an unvaccinated puppy to the dog park.” We thought Riley was vaccinated and she arrived at our house already infected with the canine parvovirus.
Family members said “I don’t understand why you’re so upset, it’s just a dog.” Thank you, Lord, for a mother who understands.
Another family member said that I needed to work on myself and stop being so negative, because my energy brings them down. – this is a person that I never speak with; this was their advice to me after hearing about our loss from someone else.
How can anyone be so cruel when they see someone in pain? Why would you blame someone for a tragedy? What exactly do you hope to accomplish by adding to someone’s pain?
I asked professional life coaches and therapists…
I turned to social networking to gain insight. I know that no one meant to cause me any more pain, so why would they go there?
It’s All About Perception
Jason Hundley, a Life Design Coach in Radcliff, Kentucky, shared “whether something is insensitive or sensitive is a matter of perception. If someone is upset and emotionally fragile they are more likely to perceive a comment as insensitive.”
In my case, I was too upset to do anything but allow my jaw to drop. In some distant place, I was outraged, but I was dealing with too many emotions to take this on too. Now, a couple of months later, I can see that although I believe that the comments weren’t kind, I don’t think the intention was to do damage.
They are Reflecting Themselves
Mayra Soler-Mutt, a certified life coach and relationship advisor, shared simply that people say these things, because “they were or are in the very same dark place. They are reflecting themselves.” My step-father once told me that when someone is being nasty to you, imagine that you’re a mirror. In this exercise, you see that their negativity is actually directed at themselves, not you.
Look to Reality Television
Christina Steinorth, a Licensed Psychotherapist and Author in Santa Barbara, California, shared…
“…the combination of social media and reality telvision has created a culture of insensitivity and bullies. People spend so much time in their “virtual realities” these days and MUCH less time with their in-person relationships that they kind of seem to forget that you have to have a filter when you talk to people. Online it’s very easy to make a blip of a comment and not have to worry about another person’s reactions because you don’t SEE the person face-to-face. Social skills and social graces take practice and quite frankly, they don’t make for good TV. …people become desensitized to what behavior is acceptable and what is not.”
How many of you can relate to this comment? I know that I can. Christina related to this experience, because on March 15 this year, her family lost their beloved Basset Hound of 13 years to a brain tumor. Christina’s book Cue Cards for Life: Thoughtful Tips of Better Relationships will be available in Fall 2012.
Because People Are Afraid
I know that one person lashed out, because the pain of losing a pet is a fear that many pet lovers have; we bury it deep down, not acknowledging that it will happen to us. If we place blame on the grieving fur parent, then we can tell ourselves “I won’t do THAT,” and feel that our pet is safe.
Benson Simmonds, author,actor, motivator, actor, teacher, filmmaker in Los Angeles, CA shared…
“In my professional opinion as an author and life coach, people treat others meanly when they shift into fear. Your tears could have triggered the other woman’s fear of looking at her own emotions or lack of emotional intelligence. It scared her so she lashed out. As I discuss in my book Soular Power, we can act from ego which is a drive based on fear, lack and limitation where we always feel like we’re not enough. Or we can shift into soul or our SOULAR POWER and tap into a drive or desire based on joy, love and expansion.”
So the next time someone says something to you that is leaves you thinking “who says that to people?” remember that it’s not about you, it’s about them. They are in a darker place than you are and what sucks for them is that long after you recover from your broken heart, they’ll still be in that dark place. Fear is a powerful force so I think we should leave them to deal with their stuff and focus on our own happiness, knowing that we’re not alone.
Kimberly Gauthier
With Mommy Bloggers being all the rage, Kimberly Gauthier writes about dogs and being a Fur Mom. She don't have kids, so she's been on the receiving end of the "it'll happen" statements and looks of pity when people realize that she's made it to the big FOUR OH without conceiving. Fur Mommy Bloggers have a voice too and Gauthier intends to profile her journey with "The Fur Mom" feature on the Girl Power Hour blog. She says, we spoil our kids, we worry about nutrition and we schedule play dates...just as fur mom's do. And let's face it, puppy classes are a lot less spendy than private school. Follow Kimberly on Twitter at @TheFurMom
* This post is from a Girl Power Hour featured blogger. It is not written, edited or endorsed by Girl Power Hour. The authors are solely responsible for content.
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Crystel
07.31.2012
I don’t know you but I would never go up to someone in a vets office, or anywhere else watching them suffer or cry and add a rude comment. Your mom and mine (who has since passed) were cut from the same cloth my mom also included “if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all”. In a vet’s office that is where people should have compassion. I have to tell you that I got my best friend a yellow lab pup years ago that had shots and she too had died of parvo, it not only broke my heart and hers but I am thankful that she had people around who understood the hurt. I hope your heart starts to mend soon so another puppy can share love with you.
God Bless you !!!
Kimberly Gauthier
08.01.2012
Thanks so much, Crystel. I appreciate you saying so and sharing your story about your friend’s lab puppy. We did get a new puppy and I tell myself that he’s Riley’s gift to us. She showed us that we had room in our life for one more dog and we filled it with a dog with her spirit and a little of his own.
Thanks for commenting!
Kimberly