I am a new mom. My son just turned one year old last weekend, and I can’t help but notice the odd social space I find myself in now that parenthood is a part of my resume.
If I am quite honest, it seems that my friend roster is a little thin these days. I can only assume that for other pre-baby socialites, they may be feeling the same way.
Whatever happened to the couple that was good for a great glass of wine and political shop-talk over dinner on Friday night? They’ve sprinted towards the nearest DINK (double-income-no-kids) couple with bottle in hand to escape my spit up-covered couch and Veggie Tales DVD collection.
I’ve also noticed that I can’t call up the couple that was always good for a long day of hiking and an after-burn BBQ. The longest hike I’ve taken since my son is up and down the stairs or to the mailbox and back.
Now of course, there is always the good old standby duo, you know the couple that has young kids and supposedly “gets it”. However, what I’ve come to realize is that what this couple “gets” is that no one really has the energy to be the couple they were before kids, and so they have the unwritten go-ahead to be honest about it and cancel plans often.
So its hard not to wonder if a baby really is social repellent- and if so, are those folks that were pre-baby regulars really friends at all- especially if they vamoose after junior sets up camp in your house as a permanent resident?
Now I understand that having children opens up an entirely new demographic of couples- the schools, the sports, and the after school activities. All of them are magnets for pseudo social connections, but right now our son is way too young to be on a t-ball team. Believe me though, I can’t wait chat it up with those moms and dads waiting on pins and needles to see if their son is going to be the athletic type or the most improved type (I was always most improved.)
All this to say that the reality of you + me = 3 has set in.
And what I call The Great Divide has taken place.
Like oil and vinegar I have seen the separation happen. Those with older children rise above the newbies with parenting knowledge that can only be learned through baptism by fire. The vinegar are those who are unknowingly embittered towards children and resent the imprisonment aspect of parenting- (C’mon even new parents can admit that there is an X factor in child rearing that deems social spontaneity a thing of the past.)
It only takes about 5 texts from the fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants friend before you both realize that, no you can’t go to the super cool dive bar downtown for happy hour in 10 minutes. Your kid goes to sleep in 5, and yes it is 8:25 p.m.
I don’t blame the friends of ours that have gone by the wayside. Before I had kids, I knew that children didn’t mix well with adult social activities. For some reason having a toddler on your lap seems unsavory when you are in stilettos and sipping on a dirty martini. I totally get that having a child takes your life on an entirely different interstate for the next 18 years- its one that you drive solo for a little while. You have your family, your hubby, and your heart. It’s a private party that only you have access to.
For me- the truth is that this circle of quiet is fine by me. I am loving this odd adventure of time and space. I love that this journey is one that will only be vividly privy to my husband and I’s memory. In fifty years these will be the moments that seem dusty and hazy, crinkled and worn out. But if we are a couple of the lucky ones, these times will be the ones that become the Sepia toned memories that urged us to fall more in love, trust each other more, and rely on each other in ways we never knew we would have to.
So here’s to you social life (as I hold up an empty glass toasting God who just shed his grace on me in the form of an infant son fast asleep) you used to mean a lot to me, but now? I will savor the moments I get out on the town when they come along, but in the mean time, I will drink in this champagne-turned-Pampers span. Why? Because I am blessed that my friends have separated from me just enough so that I can see how much being a Friday-Night-Nobody is making me the someone I’ve always wanted to be.
Image Courtesy of Sarah Joy Kauzlarich
Megan Munroe
Author, actress, singer-songwriter and model, Megan has successfully gotten to where she wanted to go by creating relationship bridges instead of burning them down. The Founder of the Nice Girls Rule Movement and Author of “Bitch? Please! How Nice Girls Can Succeed in a Bitch’s World”, she hopes to help those who wants to get ahead without leaving their integrity behind. For more information visit: www.meganmunroeauthor.com or visit www.nicegirlsrule.blogspot.com
* This post is from a Girl Power Hour featured blogger. It is not written, edited or endorsed by Girl Power Hour. The authors are solely responsible for content.
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Willow
10.05.2011
wow, thanks for this! i’m beginning on the baby path, we just started trying, thinking about how much my life is going to change! i’m as free and spontaneous as a business owner can be, hang with friends often, make appointments at my discretion, no one to answer to…i love the perspective you’ve brought here about what is going to take the place of what i will be “missing”, thank you!