Dear Kim,
I have this awesome client that I love to work with, but lately, it seems that he is growing shorter and more distant with me. I’ve tried to lighten the mood by making him laugh, or going above and beyond even more than normal, but the situation seems to be getting worse. I don’t want to lose this client, but I’m at a loss as to what to do. Signed, Save my Client Relationship
Dear SCR,
What you are describing is not uncommon in different relationships for many different reasons. The distance you are feeling from your client may have nothing to do with you, or it may have to do with what you are doing unconsciously. During times of fear, ambiguity and stress, our personalities kick in to try and get us back to a place that is familiar and safe. This place is our perspective, or lens of how we see the world. We’ve always had this lens and have repeated the patterns over and over again. I suggest we become science behavior sleuths to address some of these perspectives:
Next Gen Women: Ideas, Concepts and Tips to help the Next Generation of Women in the Workplace
Tracy was a 32 year old sales rep for a technology company. Her department was struggling with the economy to make their numbers. She shared with a coworker, Sam, her frustration with her income and how this was affecting her ability to pay off her student loans. Sam suggested that she talk to their boss about how her quota was set. She lied and told Tracy she had heard of others doing the same and it helped them. Believing Sam really cared about her and thinking she got some great advice, she sat down with her boss and shared her concerns about the way quotas were set. What Sam did not tell Tracy was that she had met with their boss the week before over drinks. He admitted to Sam that a pet peeve of his were complaints about the quota and not taking personal accountability. In addition, Sam had slipped in a comment that Tracy was struggling with money issues and complaining to coworkers. A month later, layoffs were announced and Tracy was on the list. Sam was not only spared, but took over Tracy’s territory.
Next Gen Women: Ideas, Concepts and Tips for the Next Generation of Women in the Workplace
A more experienced person, friend, trusted advisor, teacher or counselors are all used to describe a mentor. For an individual working up through business, attracting a mentor relationship is important to navigating the political and process waters. Mentors make great sounding boards for new ideas and can see a part of you that others see , that you may not be aware of. Often, mentors have been there before and have made some of the mistakes you could make. They may have even been mentored by a very wise person themselves, and are passing along the gifts.
Ideas, Concepts and Tips for the Next Generation of Women in the Workplace
Women are STILL not getting the same wages as their male counterparts. A recent article in the Huffington Post suggested that women are not as strong negotiators, and this is a contributor to a complex problem of wage-inequality. As a hiring manager and contract negotiator, I have seen many come in my office and negotiate the terms as well as those that do not negotiate at all. I’ve offered some tips that I hope get you thinking about your own negotiating skills and ways to improve.
1. Hiring managers and HR professionals EXPECT you to negotiate terms. Particularly if you are in sales or want to move into executive management, your negotiation style is a skill that companies are looking for. This is NOT about being greedy, overbearing or demanding. Re-frame how you think of negotiation as a demonstration of this skill. This is also an opportunity to portray yourself as a confident and worthy individual, not a victim or a someone who is desperate for work. If you are uncomfortable or unsure, find a coach, enroll in a class or research tips online. Much of negotiation skills are how you perceive your value. Which brings me to #2….
Ideas, Concepts and Tips for the Next Generation of Women in the Workplace
Google “why people leave” and you will find pages and pages of the number one explanation, “because of management”. Studies have shown that almost 80% of the working population have no aspirations to be in management. Which means the other 20% are sadists, or delusional. A wise mentor once told me that no great manager ever started out as a great manager. Like parenting, there are a lot of books, but it’s a skill only learned on the job. As someone who has managed and been managed, I have three perspectives that might help those of you struggling with this difficult relationship.
1. Psychologically speaking and IN GENERAL, your relationship with your manager falls under the category of Authority Relationships. Your boss holds the same power in your subconscious as your parents, clergy, police officers and teachers. Your unique pattern of handling these relationships in good times and bad is a powerful unconcious force that you put out there. Be prepared that your manager may not have the skills to know how to handle this. Being conscious of this dynamic in difficult situations is the first step towards defusing a potential issue. Taking a deep breath and grounding yourself in the present reminds your sub-conscious AND conscious brain that you are not a kid and can handle this situation effectively with patience.
