Authentically Joyful is a monthly feature focused on real strategies for joy, authenticity, and living life on your own terms for the modern, gutsy girl.
Letting go of expectations is hard. Giving up some of the control we exert over every part of our life takes practice. It’s a exercise in freedom. In flying wild. In accepting surprises and quirks and amazing gifts that land in our laps.
So how do you be free? I’m no expert. But believe me when I say I’m practicing letting go every single day.
Forgive yourself if you suck at letting go of expectations. Try again. And again. Ponder and journal and over analyze the origins of your expectations. Who first told you that you had to go to college and get a job and make a lot of money to be successful?
Let go of figuring out who first told you that you had to go to college and get a job and make a lot of money to be successful. Instead, spend your time thinking about how you want to be successful.
Ask yourself questions about what you want to contribute to the world. Questions about what you have to share. Questions about how you want to show up each and every day.
Realize that you loved going to college. Make a gesture of gratitude for whoever told you to go to college. Let go of the expectation that going to college equaled success. Understand that it was part of your journey, but just the first little itty bitty part.
Realize that maybe, someday, you would like to go back to school. But it will be because you want to, not because you should.
Realize that you really liked some parts of your assorted jobs that you were “supposed” to get. Accept that you’ll probably never want to go back to a “job.” Say a quick memorial for 401ks and employer covered health insurance and meetings spent doodling on your steno pad.
Let go of the general consensus that not having a “real job” makes you a bit odd. Realize that for you, success doesn’t mean playing it safe and having a “real job”. Savor the fact that you understand yourself so well. Even when it’s hard, you know what’s right for you.
Let go of everyone’s expectations towards success, except your own. Once you’ve figured out your version, jump in! You are free! Don’t forget you can towel off and start over if need be. It’s all part of the journey.
Take a long look at yourself in the mirror. Accept all your beauty. Accept all your perceived flaws. Try really hard to remember that they are not flaws. They are you. And you are beautiful.
Forgive yourself if it’s really hard to let go of your learned expectations of beauty. We’re surrounded by fashion magazines and TV shows and commercials full of society’s definition of beauty. Resolve to stop buying the magazines and watching the shows if they make you feel less worthy.
Stop looking in the mirror for as long as you can. You’re still there. Whole, contributing, dancing, showing up, leaning in. Resist the urge to look “just in case”. Practice feeling beautiful, strong, present without relying on on confirmation from the mirror.
Realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Realize that the only beholder you have control over is you.
Practicing saying, “I am beautiful”. Practicing believing, “I am beautiful”.
Understand there is so much more to beauty than the size of your jeans, the length of your lashes, the hip factor of your style. Let go of unrealistic expectations combed from media, your mother’s neurosis, your girlfriends better whatever, your own striving towards perfection. Let go of striving. Live. Love. Accept. Relax.
Realize this is hard. Practice for your daughter’s sake. Understand that accepting your own beauty means you are free.
Catch yourself every time you play the if, then game. If I get this promotion, then I’ll be happy. If he asks me to marry him, then I’ll be happy. If she @’s me on Twitter, then I’ll be happy. Realize this is a trick you play on yourself. An evil, disappointing, unrealistic trick.
Happiness is an inside job. Happiness is not nearly as dependent on outside factors as our expectations have led us to believe.
Shower yourself in love. In acceptance. In understanding that quirks and passions and taking an active role in your own life is what brings about joy. Let go of what others say “should” make you happy. Practice understanding what tickles you, makes you smile, gives you the sense of being gloriously alive. Hot? Cold? Only you know.
Realize that you are happy painting your days away in your pajamas. Realize that you are happy on a walk in the autumn leaves. Realize that you are happy winking at the gas station man. Understand that it’s okay to be happy.
Allow yourself to wake up happy every morning, regardless of the situation, instead of waking up stressed out and anxious about the day ahead of you. Practice this until it feels normal.
Start doing the things that make you happy more often. Let go of the expectation that this means you are selfish, flighty or wasting time. Stop doing so many of the things that make you unhappy. Understand that it feels odd.
Share your new outlook with others. Be okay with the fact that many of them will say they “can’t” stop doing the things that make them unhappy. Hope that someday they’ll realize that they can.
Accept that by taking control over your own happiness, you have set yourself free.
Authentically Joyful is a monthly feature focused on real strategies for joy, authenticity, and living life on your own terms for the modern, gutsy girl.
This one is for you. Yes, you.
I know that life can be frustrating and scary and overwhelming sometimes. I know that pulling up the covers, or numbing the pain with one too many glasses of wine, or distracting ourselves by always being busy doing insignificant shit, is tempting. I know that rousing ourselves to believe that we are enough and deserving of love can seem exhausting. I know that having big, bold, audacious dreams can seem lonely sometimes.
Believe me, I know.
The thing is, gorgeous, that this is our life. This is our shot. This is our chance at being kind and brilliant and compassionate. Our time to love hard, and kick our heels up, and create art, and change lives. Our time to nurture family, and believe in the underdog, and dance naked in the moonlight.
You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be right.
You just have to be as fully YOU as you can be, because that is your gift to share with the rest of us.
Just you. You all of the time: in celebration, in pain, in joy, in acceptance.
And on that note, I’d like to share some tips to help you lead an extraordinary life by embracing YOU in all your glory.
Get ready to glow, sunshine!
Authentically Joyful is a monthly feature focused on real strategies for joy, authenticity, and living life on your own terms for the modern, gutsy girl.
[NOTE: Hello lovelies! I’m really excited to share my thoughts on creating powerful habits with you today, but I also wanted to give you a quick update on what I’m up to! Seattle will always be home base, but I’ve left for a bit on a mega Road Trip with The Big Man. It’s part honeymoon, part Stratejoy Tour, part adventure seeking. If you’re interested in following along (more than the once a month I blog here, for the awesome GPH) come on over! First Post: The Road Trip, Part One.]
The Secret is still all the rage these days, but success is not just about visioning, imaging it so, or thinking it real. I certainly believe in the power of your thoughts to change your experience of reality, but I do not believe you can manifest a Honda Fit to appear in your driveway.
Sorry, girls, I just can’t go there.
But I do know there are certain powerful habits you need to cultivate in order to (in Oprah’s terms) “Live Your Best Life” or to experience authentic joy. I’ve detailed five of my most essential habits – pursing worthwhile goals, protecting your personal resources, practicing gratitude, meditation, and giving out – in this post for you. I’d love to hear your thoughts on what you already practice!
Now that you’ve defined success, it’s time to create goals that will help you create forward movement towards that vision of your best life. This is big. Setting and tracking proper goals is essential to measuring your journey and knowing when to celebrate or when to plot a new course.
AImost all of us have had some training on goal setting, so I’m not going to go into the nitty gritty details, but I also don’t want to leave you empty handed.
I’ll share a few of my top tips with you!
• Create clear, specific, measurable goals with a deadline
• Write them down
• Make them public
• Design accountability into the process
• Seek support
• Be willing to make sacrifices
We have just a few resources that we truly control. Our time, our energy, our money and our care. Are you spending them on the right things? On the right people? I firmly believe we don’t have to do anything…
You don’t have to stay in that job. You don’t have to stay in that relationship. You don’t have to slave away at the gym to validate someone else’s perception of attractive. You have power to make changes in your life, both large & small.
Women who live courageously examine their lives closely. They ask themselves, “Why?” Why do I work overtime? Why do I spend time with these specific friends? Why do I increase my debt by shopping online? Why do I wake up at 5:30 a.m. to go to the gym?
Sometimes the question is, “Why don’t I?” Why don’t I quit my job? Why don’t I forgive my ex? Why don’t I make time to meditate? Why don’t I write poetry? Why don’t I dance in the fountain in the middle of downtown? Why don’t I pack up my life into my car and take off cross-country? (Oh wait, I’m doing that one!)
With that kind of powerful self-examination, you can make conscious decisions about spending your personal resources. It’s the little things every day that add up to your experience of life, so be deliberate in what you do!
I call it living life on purpose.
Gratitude is larger than the simple expression “thank you” for a gift or kind act. Gratitude is appreciation for your present reality,expressing love to those you care for, not taking things for granted, being present to the wonder and fortune in the moment, thanking your higher power and savoring the sweet. You can practice gratitude by keeping a journal where you record what you were thankful for that day or that week. This may seem like a small habit, but the payback in your happiness is strong and lasting.
Take time to simply be by sitting quietly and clearing your mind. Concentrate on your breath flowing in and out through your nose or on a simple mantra. When you catch yourself thinking about something else, simply label the thought “thinking” and then return back to your breath.
There you go! My three sentence direction to mindfulness mediation. Meditation is a powerful habit of training yourself to live in the present. Even if it’s not something you’re familiar or comfortable with, it is absolutely worth the time exploring this habit.
Mentor, contribute, practice random acts of kindness, express forgiveness. Make a loan, give your time, be fully present for your family, change the world. There are a million ways to give of yourself. Do it big, do it small, just do it.
It’s one of the most positive equations in the world: You give of your time or resources, which improves someone’s quality of life, which makes you feel appreciated and valuable, which in turn improves your quality of life. We’re all better off. Magic.
So sunshines…. What do you think? Do you practice any of these habits? What are your own personal habits that help rock your life? What would you like to add to your routine? It might seem like work at first. But as we all know, with enough practice, accountability, and genuine desire—we can tackle almost anything! And these powerful habits will positively contribute to your authentic joy.
Make good use of them.
Authentically Joyful is a monthly feature focused on real strategies for joy, authenticity, and living life on your own terms for the modern, gutsy girl.
It’s a big word. Success.
What does it conjure up for you? Unless you live in a cave, there are probably aspects of money, power and perfection woven into your vision. These are the social definitions of success present in our western world. Not that money, power and perfection are inherently evil.
We need a bit of all of them to make a difference in the world!
And I’m not turning down a big lotto win or speedy metabolism if they happen to fall into my lap…
It’s just that in order to truly be successful, you need to be successful on your own terms. And in many cases, society’s darlings – money, power, perfection – may not actually play a big role in your version of success. You need to shine where it counts for YOU.
And defining success takes self-awareness and guts. Self-awareness is a process of understanding who you are and what makes you happy. Many people let life slide by falling into a mediocre acceptance of convenience or bad habits or “good enoughness”. They refuse to be self-aware. They don’t want to tackle the work of setting their own course for their life, for really striving towards their big dreams.
Whether it is fear of failure, lack of self-esteem or shortsighted vision, loads of people just accept life at face value. Even if that face value, well, sucks.
I’m here to say: Don’t do it. Don’t accept life at face value. Be one of the amazing women who will take the time and energy to figure out what it’s really going to take to rock your world.
Authentically Joyful is a monthly feature focused on real strategies for joy, authenticity, and living life on your own terms for the modern, gutsy girl.
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” – Mary Oliver
Hey lovelies! Molly here. I’m thrilled that the GPH hour team asked me to be part of this amazing, thriving community and contribute a monthly column about authentic living. It’s a topic near and dear to me, and one that doesn’t get nearly enough talk time in the sassy 20 /30 somethings typical urban life.
HERE’S WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE.
I know that by clarifying your personal definition of success and cultivating powerful habits, you can lead an authentically joyous life. I believe in your capacity for growth, for success, for truthful living. I know that the day-to-day can be more than a to do list. I believe that you can feel at peace with yourself and energized about the path you are on.
I know that being extraordinary means you are living deliberately, sharing with the world the very best you have to offer. I believe that you have unlimited power to contribute, as long as you practice unconditional self-love.
I know that settling is never the answer, that fulfilling others’ expectations is useless is in the long run. I believe in your uniqueness.
I believe in that big, bold juicy version of your life and your ability to embrace it, to create it, to make it your reality.
SO, HOW DO YOU START?Connect With Yourself.
If you stripped down to the very base of yourself – if we took away your job, your bank account, your schooling, your relationship status – who would you be?
This can this be difficult. I get it. It’s a very tall order!
We are so full of others’ expectations – starting with our families, our peers, our bosses/teachers/gurus –of who we should be, that we frequently have no idea who we actually are. Am I the overachieving independent good girl with a hankering for dramatic relationships that my high school friends remember? Am I the cocktail-fueled, hot yoga practicing, holding it all together on the outside urbanista my social media connections think I am? Or am I the selfish, big dreaming, fun-loving woman my parents believe me to be?
Another roadblock in uncovering our true self is the social personas that we’ve developed. We’ve formed these personas to deal with difficult people, with situations we find uncomfortable (like an ill-fitting job) or with society’s version of what is important. The social personas are like cloaks we slip off and on: your saleswoman self, your sorority girl party animal self, your never-say-no helpful self.
And all of this is dangerous!
